This post was written by Elba Luz, author of Build a Girlfriend.
It’s rare to meet someone without an insecurity. As humans, we always strive to put the best versions of ourselves forward and hide anything we deem as blemishes to our character. We do this in all settings: at school, while we work, with our friends, and often in our relationships. We want to be the perfect person, and in Build a Girlfriend, the main character, Amelia, wants to be the perfect girlfriend—and that entails figuring out all her flaws and erasing them from her personality.
While I was writing Build a Girlfriend, it took me a few reads to realize just how insecure Amelia actually is. Of course, when you meet her, she’s freshly dumped and looking for a way to fix whatever could be the reason people always break up with her. However, as you read, Amelia does such a good job hiding her insecurities that you tend to forget she has them at all until she has a moment of nerves. One of her greatest strengths is her bravery and humor, which she uses to propel herself through embarrassing situations—like redating your exes—that other people wouldn’t dare to face. Instead of focusing fully on those wonderful qualities, Amelia fixates on her flaws, adamant that her weaknesses are more powerful than her strengths.
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Honestly, for some reason, it’s easier to focus on the negative than the positive. It’s human nature. We zero in on flaws because we wish to change them, so, naturally, they often get more attention than the good things we possess. This happens particularly to young adults navigating their transition from adolescence to adulthood. During this time, they’re going through so much: deciding what college to attend (or whether to attend at all), figuring out their dreams, and making major decisions that will affect their futures. Of course, being their very best selves is at the forefront of their minds, and all that emotional turmoil makes them examine their flaws under a microscope.
This is something I tried to handle with care when writing. Amelia is an insecure young adult with so many amazing attributes that she tends to overlook, and I want the audience of this book to not only connect with her on that level but also witness her journey to acceptance so that they know they can do the same. We should celebrate the things that make us who we are. So what if there are things that aren’t perfect about ourselves? It’s such a cliché, but really, nobody is perfect. It’s impossible to be, and often, we can lose ourselves or hold ourselves back from discovering all the great pieces that make us who we are when we allow our flaws to occupy too much space in our minds.
The world would be so boring if everyone were perfect, if everyone tried to be the smartest, kindest, strongest, and funniest person all at once. We’re allowed to be messy and flawed and do so beautifully. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and this allows us balance—to bounce off different people and bring a multitude of perspectives to form a beautiful community. When Amelia embarks on her journey, she begins to unveil layers of herself, some pretty and some flawed, but are all wholly her—and she’s okay with what she finds.
Get your copy of How to Build a Girlfriend by Elba Luz here.